"It has come to my attention that your use of similes is like a blind man searching for a park bench after a few too many shandies,"

So says Damien Ashworth about the fabulous Rob Smyth's live cricket commentary on Guardian Unlimited. Mr Ashworth may have a point. Smyth's gems include...

"Sarwan, like an overworked auctioneer, gives it some hammer ... "

"Anderson turns Joseph round like the Fresh Prince..."

"Freddie Flintoff continues to pummel the surface like an unhinged young gentleman taking his frustrations out on a nearby brick wall"

".James Anderson ... tempts Joseph outside off stump like Mrs Doyle dangling a whisky bottle to get Father Jack into his wheelchair"

Top chap - one to read even if you're not a Cricket fan